Recently, I stumbled upon a website for mothers following advice to allow their newborn babies to cry, without being fed, from 10pm until 8am. They instruct mothers not even to pick up the crying newborn at these hours. They allow for one middle-of-the-night feeding in the first six weeks, if you so desire, but encourage skipping it all together, as soon as possible, so the whole family experiences “harmony” and a good night’s sleep.
Really, the WHOLE family experiences harmony?
The infant’s stomach is no larger than the size of his/her tiny little fist. I learned this from my hospital’s lactation consultant when my first child was born, because I was concerned that his frequent hungriness meant I had low milk supply. (I was relieved to hear the word, “normal”, as are most moms!) She also explained to me that breast milk is naturally able to digest very easily and quickly, because it’s species specific (i.e. not made for cows), so the proteins are more easily broken down and used by the infant’s body.
When my four year old goes to bed without supper (due to pickiness), he wakes up white as a ghost and throwing up. This is due to low blood sugar, from not eating when he was hungry. This is pretty scary. Four year olds are very little people. When my grandmother had low blood sugar, it sent her to the emergency room. The bodies of the elderly are very delicate. Infant’s bodies are both delicate, and very, very little. Even a chunky baby is little in comparison to you and me. Pair this with the crying, which burns up so much energy, and you have a baby in a dangerous situation.
Now, I don’t doubt that this book/website offers some good advice, and that some families benefit from some of the advice. And, I don’t think these mothers are purposely placing their tiny newborns in danger. They, like me, were really hoping that having a child could be an orderly, manageable experience, and here someone is telling them it can be. I don’t blame them for feeling some pull to try it. I do, however, blame the source of this faulty infant scheduling information. It’s very dangerous, outdated advice, at worse. And, at the very least, it’s misleading.
This technique is not a one-time-fix-all for night wakings. I’ve known many mothers who’ve had to repeat the crying-it-out process, each and every time baby enters a new stage of development. During the first year, especially, this occurs many times, as the baby’s rate of growth is faster than it will ever be again until the teen years. It also doesn’t necessarily lead to more sleep and harmony in the home, as they claim. I know of couples using this method who spend their sleeping hours with ear plugs and white noise machines (to drown out the baby’s cries), dads who sneak out of bed to go comfort the baby, because mom won’t go against advice (or vise-versa), and dads who sleep on the couch to escape the noise of the crying. This is real life.
Also real life: Having a newborn is a tiring experience, no matter what your approach. It is stressful. You will lose sleep. You may even cry, yourself, at times. But, I don’t know of a single worthwhile relationship that didn’t require some sacrifice and hardships. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather keep my precious memories of middle-of-the-night soothing, than replace them with memories of miserable, holding-myself-down ignoring. It was difficult, yes, but it produced patience, and better still, it nurtured our relationship with our child. Even my husband admits, it became a very rewarding experience. Through those nights, we gained confidence in learning our own special ways of soothing. (Daddy preferred singing, and boy did they love it!)
The good news is, there are many wonderful ways to help your baby sleep, which are much more respectful of their needs, growth, and development. You don’t need to “train” your baby to know when he/she is hungry or sleepy. They know this instinctually, and they let you know by crying, their only language. You don’t need to “condition” yourself to know when to answer their cries, by following a procedure in a book. Your body knows; your hormones make certain!
A very helpful resource for me when I had my first baby was the DVD “The Happiest Baby on the Block”, by pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp. I don’t recommend the book form, because a) what mother of a newborn has time to read a book? and b) if you’re a Christian, as I am, you may find fault with his many evolutionary references in the book. However, let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak! The DVD is ideal for busy new parents, because all you have to do is sit and watch it! We were able to apply the 5 baby soothing techniques the very night we watched it, and we DID see immediate results, as so many of the parents in the DVD claim. It’s completely natural, respectful of the baby’s needs, and respectful of the parents’ needs to get more sleep.
I’m not one to say that what worked for my family will work for everyone. But, I do want to encourage a) that mothers will trust their own God-given instincts above any book of advice, b) that parents will trust that the baby’s crying signal means it truly needs something, and c) that parents use methods which truly respect everyone’s needs. So, with that in mind, on this blog, I will be sharing with you what worked for us. And, I encourage you to take what works for you, and leave the rest.
http://www.happiestbaby.com/book-dvd-excerpts/the-happiest-baby-clips/
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